


Sleeping At Last

by Ishxallxgood



Category: Adam (2009), Charlie Countryman (2013), Hannibal Extended Universe - Fandom, Spacedogs - Fandom
Genre: Adam dies, Adam has a mild panic attack, Adam is dying, Angst, Explicit Sex, Heavy Angst, I would say I'm sorry, M/M, Nigel cries, Nigel is smart, Nigel loves Adam, Nigel loves space just as much as Adam does, Sleeping at Last lyrics, They love each other, adam loves nigel, all the sleeping at last lyrics, but I'm really not, but don't expect to get off to it, it's not a song fic though, just a lot of tears, so many space analogies, so much space talk, space talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 08:42:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16446554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ishxallxgood/pseuds/Ishxallxgood
Summary: Once upon a time they were two neutron stars, the remnant cores of their previous lives. They were pulled into each other’s orbit, spiraling inward until they finally collided. There was a time he used to believe that their collision would result in the formation of a heavier neutron star; one that could defy the test of time and live on for eternity, or at least for another few million years. Unfortunately the reality was that their collision resulted in the formation of a black hole. One that he is sure he will never be able to survive; for it stole from him his light, his stability, his everything. For what was life without his guiding light, his brilliant star, his Adam Raki?Nigel remembers, the last night the spent together, entwined. All he has now are the winter stars.





	Sleeping At Last

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nephila_clavipes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nephila_clavipes/gifts).



> nephila-clavipes posted [Venus](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzNvk80XY9s) by Sleeping at Last, declaring it the ultimate Spacedogs song. Being unfamiliar with the band I listened to it. And then every song in their repertoire, and [Saturn](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzNvk80XY9s) of all songs stuck. And the muse latched on and refused to let go.
> 
> So Adam had to die. I'm really sorry. Adam is my baby and I would protect him with my life, but unfortunately one cannot be protected by the fates. And therefore, Adam had to die, and balance is restored.
> 
> I blame nephila for this, as should you.

Nigel takes another pull of his cigarette as he stares up at the brilliant night sky. Innumerable stars twinkle back at him, their radiance mocking him from millions of light years away. The courage of the stars, like his beloved, endlessly carrying on their light, even long after death. He can't help but wonder if a new star was birthed the day his beloved died, or if a star died along with him. Perhaps both, death and new life. A supernova. A new nebula. The universe expanding infinitely.

Once upon a time they were two neutron stars, the remnant cores of their previous lives. They were pulled into each other’s orbit, spiraling inward until they finally collided. There was a time he used to believe that their collision would result in the formation of a heavier neutron star; one that could defy the test of time and live on for eternity, or at least for another few million years. Unfortunately the reality was that their collision resulted in the formation of a black hole. One that he is sure he will never be able to survive; for it stole from him his light, his stability, his _everything_ . For what was life without his guiding light, his brilliant star, his _Adam Raki_?

It is his punishment perhaps, that the universe would take from him his brilliant Adam. A payment for all the pain and suffering he had inflicted upon others. Exhaling a thin line of smoke, Nigel’s eyes track across the ever changing night sky again, tracing their constellations.

Their story is written here, in the winter stars, a constant reminder of everything he gained and lost. It is in Sirius, with its overwhelming light, holding onto the promise of light which Adam had granted him. It is embedded in Taurus, deep within the Crab Nebula, which holds their beginning and their end; the promise of death and new life, infinity times infinity. In Cassiopeia, where their hearts and souls are forever entwined. Their ending is written in Polaris, steady and true; unchanging. For even in death, his beloved Adam is guiding him through life. Keeping him safe. Rewriting darkness into a work of fiction, so that his heart could continue to blossom into the masterpiece Adam deemed so.

“We are the dust of dust, darling,” he says into the night. Adam’s voice is a whisper in the wind, murmuring truths as he explains the infinite and touches upon the courage of the stars; how light carries on endlessly, even long after death. What he would give to hear it all again, to feel the press of Adam against him as he spoke, shining eyes reflecting the universe he loved so much.

* * *

 

_“Hey Nigel, did you know that the universe is forever expanding? With all parts of it moving away from each other faster than the speed of light?”_

_Pulling his eyes from the stars, Nigel traced the lines of beloved’s face. Of course he knew. They've spoken of the infinite universe countless times. And yet, each and every time felt like a new discovery, a new revelation, and he would burn the world to the ground just to hear those words every night for the rest of his life. “Is that right, darling?”_

_“Yes,” Adam said, lifting an arm up towards the stars, forever reaching, but never touching. “Someday everything we see here will disappear forever… and eventually the night sky would be almost completely dark.”_

_“Someday.” Nigel repeated solemnly, giving Adam’s shoulder a squeeze as he returned his gaze back to the stars._

_“Not anytime soon though. We are still billions and billions of years away from that,” Adam said as he lowered his arm back down to wrap around Nigel. “The light of the dying stars will still travel down to us for millions of years, even long after death.”_

_“But for now,” Nigel said, gently carding his fingers through Adam's hair, “with golden string, our universe is clothed in light. Pulling at the seams, our once barren world now brims with life, so that we may fall in love everytime we open our eyes.”_

_“That doesn't make a lot of sense, Nigel.”_

_Nigel chuckled softly as he pressed a kiss to Adam’s temple. “The sun darling, I'm speaking of our sun.”_

_“Oh,” Adam breathed, turning to catch Nigel’s eye as he moved his hand to rest over Nigel's heart._

_“We are as infinite as the universe we hold inside, darling.”_

_“Forever expanding?” Adam asked, turning his attention back towards the stars._

_“Yes, forever expanding.” Nigel followed Adam’s gaze, tracking their constellations as he continued to work his fingers through Adam’s hair. “Infinity times infinity.”_

_“Infinity times infinity.”_

_“Let there be light,” Nigel said, pressing fingertips against Adam's scalp as he fought to keep his voice steady. “Let me be right.”_

_“How are you wrong?”_

_Nigel pulled his hand from Adam's hair, stroking his cheek before lowering it rest against his face. “I'm not, darling,” Nigel said with a sad chuckle, “not anymore. You took an angry, violent thing, and made it kind.”_

_Adam's brows furrowed as he pulled out of Nigel's embrace and shifted to prop himself up on an elbow. “I didn't do anything, Nigel.”_

_“You loved me, darling. After Gabi, I thought I’d never find love again. I had convinced myself I’d never find anyone, that I was undeserving, and then I suddenly met you.”_

_“That night in the bar?”_

_“Yes, darling. That night in the bar,” Nigel said smiling fondly at the memory. His brilliant Adam, arguing with some loser about the existence of black holes. His gorgeous Adam, who lit up the world with his smile as he pulled Nigel back into focus. “At first I thought you were a constellation.”_

_“A singular person can’t be a constellation, Nigel,” Adam murmured dropping back down to snuggle up against Nigel._

_“I made a map of your stars, then I had a revelation,” Nigel continued, pulling Adam on top of him, tracing the lines of his face, memorizing anew, every curve, every dip. “You’re as beautiful as endless, you’re the universe I’m helpless in.”_

_Leaning into his touch, Adam smiled down at him. “I can't be the universe, Nigel.”_

_“You're my universe, darling,” Nigel said, guiding Adam down for a kiss. “And like a telescope, I will pull you so close, until no space lies in between us.”_

_“I’d like that,” Adam said, crashing his lips against Nigel's again._

_Nigel smiled into the kiss as he ran his hands under Adam's loose sweater. Trailing up his flank, he began to chart out a new map of Adam's body. This Adam was foreign to him. This Adam was fading, a constant reminder of the fragility of life. This Adam was the price he had to pay for his sins. For every life he prematurely took, every soul he consumed._

_With a shuddering breath, Adam broke the kiss. “Nigel?” He asked, desperately clutching at him when Nigel's hands faltered, coming to rest on Adam's much too pronounced ribs._

_“Darling.”_

_Pulling away from him, Adam sat up, hands clenched firmly on his thighs as he started down at him. “Why did you stop? What's wrong?”_

_“Nothing's wrong, darling,” Nigel replied, gently caressing the offending ribs in an attempt to coax Adam to relax._

_“It's because I'm losing too much weight, isn't it?” Adam said, flinching away from him, lips drawn tight in a frown._

_“Nonsense, darling,” Nigel said as his hands dropped down to Adam’s waist, sliding behind him to draw him close as his fingers traced their constellations against his back. “You're perfect just the way you are. I was merely recommitting you to memory.”_

_Adam let out a scoff as he squirmed in Nigel's arms. “You're a terrible liar, Nigel.” There was a slight bitterness to his words, but he stilled, allowing Nigel to draw him close again. Adam shifted, slotting his hips alongside Nigel's as he rubbed the hard line of his erection against him. “You haven’t touched me intimately since this latest bout of treatment started,” Adam said with another roll of his hips, his voice a whisper of air as his hands drew up slowly to cup Nigel’s face._

_Nigel trembled under his touch, Adam's hands a brand upon his face, his erection against him a painful declaration of what he had been denied. “I…” Nigel stammered, attempting to find the words in which to alleviate the hurt he had caused. “I couldn’t bear to see you in pain.”_

_“Oh, Nigel,” Adam said, dropping his head down to nestle against the crook of Nigel’s neck. “I’m in constant pain. The pain never goes away, but I’m pretty much used to it. What I can't bear is your distance, Nigel._ You _make me forget about the pain.”_

_It should have astonished him that Adam could find solace in a man like him; Nigel knew he wasn’t a good man. He never claimed to be. He was the living embodiment of pain and destruction, and with his two hands he had destroyed more lives than he could count. And yet, it was in those two hands of his that he also held Adam’s delicate heart. A heart which had been battered and bruised by life, tenderly held by hands which could so easily crush it if he wasn’t careful._

_“God I'm such a fucking idiot,” Nigel growled in frustration, hands reaching up to card through Adam’s hair. “I was so afraid to break you.”_

_“I’m already dying, Nigel. You can't break me anymore than I’m already broken, you know.”_

_“I’m so sorry, darling,” Nigel said, littering his head with kisses. “I love you so much, you know that right, Adam Raki?”_

_“Yes, Nigel. I know you love me,” Adam murmured, mouthing at the tattoo on his neck, prodding her with his tongue. “But I'm not asking you to love me right now, Nigel. I'm asking you to fuck me.”_

_“Anything you want, darling,” Nigel said with a shiver, rutting up so he could grind his growing erection against Adam’s, nipping at his ears until Adam lifted his head so Nigel could properly devour his mouth._

_Adam tasted like unimaginable light and joy; the very essence of everything right in his world. Nigel licked his way into his mouth, drinking down Adam's moans as they shared a breath. They broke apart against his will, when the need for air dwarfed the pleasure of the kiss. Adam panted against him, pulling the sweater off as he struggled his way out of his jeans._

_“Look at you, darling,” Nigel murmured, dragging his hands across Adam's bare chest before lifting him off so he could quickly divest them of their clothes. The moment they were bare, Adam collapsed back onto him, dragging his discarded jeans with him, clawing at them until he managed to extract the lube._

_Adam shuddered as Nigel pressed a finger in, slowly working him open as he reverently whispered Adam's name against his skin. Nipping along his jaw, Nigel worked in another finger, groaning as Adam pushed against his hand, moaning breathlessly._

_Nigel fought the urge to stop, to allow Adam the chance to catch his breath, in fear of breaking him; but Adam, his gorgeous, perfect Adam had insisted he couldn't be broken further. Feeling his beloved Adam writhe so beautifully above him, Nigel wanted to believe. He desperately wanted to hold onto that belief for all eternity; that his divine Adam could not possibly be broken by his hands._

_No, not by his hands. Adam would never be broken by his hands. He would tear the universe apart so he could single handedly piece his beloved back together; but how could the desires of a single man overcome a universe hell bent on destroying them?_

_Their days were numbered, that much he was painfully aware of. It was only a matter of time before Adam Raki would be ripped from his arms and fade into darkness. An unfathomable light prematurely extinguished because fate had deemed it so. Nigel would have offered himself up in sacrifice, but the universe did not want his tainted blood. No, innocence was demanded to rectify the deeds of one guilty man. It wasn't fair, that the punishment for his sins would be his beloved Adam._

_“Nigel,” Adam whined in exasperation, pressing a hand against Nigel's flagging erection._

_Nigel pulled his mouth from Adam's neck, working his fingers deeper. “Darling, I'm inside like you asked.”_

_Adam ground himself down hard onto Nigel, his hand closing almost painfully tight around Nigel's cock. “Yes, but I want your cock, not your fingers. So hurry up and fuck me like you mean it already.”_

_Nigel growled against him, bucking into Adam's hand as his cock made a valiant effort to cooperate and fill, “I’m trying, darling, I’m trying.”_

_Warm tears fell against his skin as Adam stilled and pulled himself off. A choked sob tearing its way out of Adam's throat as he collapsed in on himself, shattering what was left of Nigel's fragile heart._

_“What's wrong, darling?”_

_“Everything's wrong, Nigel! I'm wrong,” Adam gritted out through clenched teeth, wiping furiously at the tears streaming from his eyes._

_“Darling, how can you say that?” Nigel asked taking Adam's trembling hands into his own as he attempted to kiss away his tears. “You are perfect.”_

_“NO!” Adam screamed, jerking his hands violently away and scrambling off of him. “YOU'RE A LIAR, NIGEL! YOU'RE A LIAR AND I HATE YOU!”_

_“Adam, what-” Nigel started, sitting up to reach out for his beloved, but the rigidity of Adam's posture stayed his hand. “Darling, please.”_

_“NO!” Adam screamed again, shaking his head as he scooted further back and wrapped his arms around his knees rocking shakily._

_“Adam, please,” Nigel begged, moving to pull Adam back into his arms, only to have him flinch away from him._

_“No, Nigel,” Adam sobbed. “You don't get to lie to me anymore. You don't get to wax poetic about constellations and the universe. You don't get claim to love me and tell me that I'm perfect.”_

_“Adam,” Nigel managed to choke out over the constricting of his throat. Adam had been wrong. He_ was _capable of breaking him further._

_Adam startled and looked up at him, breath heaving as he leaned forward and placed a tentative hand on Nigel's face. A haunted look passed across his eyes as he pulled his hand away, staring at the wetness clinging to his fingertips._

_“Adam,” Nigel choked out again, releasing a sob._

_“You're crying,” Adam said bluntly, schooching forward to wipe at the tears falling heavy from Nigel’s eyes._

_“Fuck, Adam, of course I’m crying,” Nigel snapped pulling his face away from Adam's hands. Taking a deep breath, he exhaled slowly, his breath coming out in a stutter as he took Adam’s hands he pressed them against his chest. “You don’t get to deny me my love for you. Don't you ever deny me my love for you.”_

_“I'm not stupid, Nigel,” Adam whimpered between shuddering breaths, pushing his hands against Nigel, struggling to break free. “I know what this disease is doing to me. I know what I look like now. I know that I'm losing too much weight, that my skin is clammy and grey. I know that I don't sexually excite you anymore, so you can stop pretending already.”_

_“Fuck, Adam, no,” Nigel gasped, ignoring Adam's protests as he gathered him firmly against him. “How can you possibly think that, darling? You will always be the picture of perfection to me. I will always look at you, Adam Raki, and want nothing more than to devour every part of you whole. You_ _are perfection incarnate, and I would never lie about that.”_

_“You’ve stopped calling me gorgeous,” Adam whispered, falling limp against him; the fight seeping out of his body as he trembled in Nigel's arms._

_“Oh, darling,” Nigel said, gathering him close and peppering his head with kisses, “you are so much more to me than simply_ gorgeous _. The word fails to describe you, Adam Raki. Your beauty, your magnificence, your very essence transcends that word. Gabi was gorgeous. You, darling, you’re so much more. You are my heart, my soul, the air I would kill to breathe. You are my beloved,_ darling _Adam.”_

_“But,” Adam argued, burying his face into Nigel’s chest as his hands reached down to stroke Nigel’s flaccid cock, “you’re not even hard anymore.”_

_Nigel’s cock twitched in response to Adam’s hands, and he smiled against Adam’s hair. “Well no shit, darling. What kind of monster would I be to be able to maintain an erection when you’re having a panic attack.”_

_Adam looked up at him, a frown pulling at his lips as he released Nigel’s cock. “You lost your erection while fingering me open, Nigel.”_

_The smile faded fast from Nigel’s face and he reached up to smooth out the furrow in his beloved’s brow. Adam shivered in his arms and Nigel pulled him back against him, enveloping him in his warmth. “I'm so sorry, darling. It's not you, I swear. Don't you for a second ever dare to think it's because of you. It's just…” Nigel took a deep breath, fighting back tears as he buried his face in the crook of Adam's neck again. “You’re dying, darling,” he mumbled against Adam’s pulse, “and when you're wrapped up in my arms, breathlessly writhing in ecstasy... I am once again reminded that you're literally dying in my arms.”_

_“But you already know I’m dying.”_

_“Yes, I know, darling, but it doesn’t make it easier,” Nigel murmured, placing tender kisses against his flesh. “God, every time I see you spread before me, darling, I’m reminded that it might be the last time I might witness your gorgeous smile, or hear you breathlessly say my name.”_

_“But I’m right here, Nigel.” Adam whined, “I haven’t gone to Queens yet.”_

_“No you haven’t, darling.” Nigel mouthed along the side of Adam's neck. “I’m a fucking idiot, Adam, but I promise I’ll do better. I will always hold you close, but I will learn to let you go. I will rearrange to stars and pull ‘em down to where you are.”_

_“You can’t do that, Nigel,” Adam said with a breathless giggle, squirming against him. “The stars are beyond even your reach.”_

_“With every heartbeat I have left, I’ll defend your every breath.” Nigel lifted his head, hands stroking through Adam’s hair as he lost himself in the universe reflected in Adam’s eyes. “I will soften every edge, hold the world to its best, I promise I’ll do better.”_

_“Oh,” Adam breathed, blinking away the last remnants of his tears and surged forward to capture Nigel’s mouth again._

_Nigel drank in the kiss with fervor, licking his way into Adam’s mouth as he endeavored to consumed every part of Adam fucking Raki; light of his life. “You are loved,” Nigel whispered against his lips when the need for air forced them apart. “You are loved, more than you know, and I hereby pledge the rest of my days to prove it so.”_

_“Nigel,” Adam said nipping at his bottom lip before pushing him down and straddling him. Adam rolled his hips pressing the hard line of his erection against Nigel's quickly filling cock. “I'd like for you to fuck me now.”_

_“Yes, darling, god yes.” Nigel hissed, fighting the urge to buck his hips up as Adam maneuvered his cock into position and slowly sank down onto him._

_Nigel groaned as Adam bottomed out, his fingers digging into bony hips, pressing bruises onto tender flesh as he held Adam in place. Squirming against him, Adam pawed at his hands trying to get him to loosen his grip so that he could move. Grinning, Nigel thrusted his hips up hard, eliciting the most sinfully delicious moan from his darling angel._

_Adam fell forward against him as Nigel continued to ruthlessly thrust up into him; breathlessly gasping every time he was lifted up and brought back down in time with Nigel's trusts. Braced against Nigel's chest, fingers tangled into thick chest hair, Adam held himself in place, angling his body so that every downstroke would have the head of Nigel's cock grazing his prostate just right._

_“God, you’re so fucking beautiful,” Nigel said releasing his hold on Adam to sweep his hands through sweaty curls, slicking them back from Adam's face._

_Arching his back, Adam panted against him as Nigel slipped a hand between them. Circling Adam's cock with his fingers, he stroked Adam as he set a brutal place, fucking himself on Nigel._

_Blanketed by the Milky Way, Nigel allowed Adam to take from him what he needed as he endeavored to hold onto this moment for all eternity. Tucking away in the far recesses of his mind, the sight of Adam, flushed and naked above him. The sound of his exquisite moans, as he chased his pleasure. The taste of his skin, salty and sweet with exertion. The smell of their sex, entwining so beautifully with the nature around them. The feel of Adam's body, wrapped so tightly around him as he worked to conjoin them._

_Adam's hips stuttered, his rhythm erratic as the strong thighs bracketing him clenched, tightening around him. Adam came screaming his name, whimpering as Nigel continued to stroke him through his orgasm, milking him for everything he's got. Licking his hand clean of Adam's release, Nigel held him steady as he continued to pound into him relishing the feel of Adam’s subsiding orgasm spasming around him._

_“Nigel, please,” Adam begged, bearing down on him, hands clawing at Nigel's chest as he continued to fuck into him._

_“Please what, darling?” The question came out in a ragged breath, Nigel was so close he could almost taste it._

_“Nigel!” Adam screamed again, collapsing on top of him, trembling as Nigel finished inside of him._

_Adam refused to move afterwards. Choosing instead to bury himself against Nigel, muscles clenched in an attempt to hold on as Nigel softened inside of him and ultimately slipped out. Pulling a blanket over them when Adam shivered, Nigel held him close and closed his eyes; willing this moment bliss to last forever. A small pocket of space and time, carved out just for them to exist in harmony together. Time frozen in place so that he could exist like this with his beloved Adam for all eternity. But the universe was as cruel as it was kind. Beauty and chaos, coexisting. Life and death pulling at the seams._

_“I wish you didn’t have to go,” Nigel said, breaking the spell around them._

_Adam ran his fingers through the hair on Nigel’s chest and snuggled closer, “I’m not going anywhere, Nigel.”_

_“But you are, darling.”_

_“Oh you mean, die?” Adam asked, turning so he was on his back. “I wish I didn’t have to either, you need me too much, but some things are outside of our control.”_

_Nigel opened his eyes and rolled his head to the side. Drinking in Adam’s perfect profile, he wondered how someone like Adam could possibly exist. Adam, his darling Adam, stronger than any man he had ever known. His beloved held the power to stare death in the eye and refused to quiver in fear. Nigel had always believed that he was the one protecting Adam from the world, but in that moment, he finally understood that it had been Adam protecting him from himself this whole time._

_“What am I going to do without your laugh? Your warmth, your light?”_

_“You’ll always have them, Nigel,” Adam said reaching a hand up toward the stars again. “My mother once told me before she died, that every night, when I look up at the stars, she’ll be there with me.” Adam paused, a smile pulling at his lips as he rolled back on top of Nigel. “So I’ll leave you with the same.”_

_“Your memory in the stars?”_

_“Something like that.” Adam said, tracing their constellations into his chest._

_Nigel frowned. “The stars can never replace you, darling.”_

_“Of course they can’t, but my father seemed to find comfort in the thought.”_

_“You don’t though.”_

_“No, not really. But you can, you’re like my father in that regard. Sentimental. People have stars, but they aren’t the same. For travelers, the stars are guides. For other people, they’re nothing but tiny lights. And for still others, for scholars, they’re problems. But all those stars are silent stars. You though, you’ll have stars like nobody else.”_

_“Now you’re just quoting The Little Prince,” Nigel said pressing a kiss against those brown curls he loves so much._

_“But it holds true,” Adam said with a laugh before lifting his chin so he could receive a proper kiss from Nigel. “When you look up at the sky at night, since I’ll be one with them, since I’ll be laughing on one of them, for you it’ll be as if all the stars are laughing. You’ll have stars that can laugh!”_

_“What am I to do with laughing stars?” Nigel asked, carding his fingers through Adam’s hair._

_“Well, as the Little Prince says, when you’re consoled,” Adam paused when Nigel shot him a disapproving glare, “everyone eventually is consoled, you’ll be glad you’ve known me. You’ll always be my friend, my lover, my Nigel. You’ll feel like laughing with me. And you’ll open your window sometimes just for the fun of it… and your friends will be amazed to see you laughing while you’re looking up at the sky.”_

_Nigel chuckled as Adam settled back down against him. “Fucking Darko will think I truly lost it,” he said with a shake of his head, “but then I’ll tell him, ‘Yes, it’s the stars; they always make me laugh!’”_

_“Precisely.”_

_Nigel tightened his hold on Adam as he ran his hands through those curls again, committing every strand to memory. He didn’t want to think of the day when Adam would be gone. Of the day that might eventually come when the winter sky would no longer bear him any pain._

_“Tell me again, darling,” Nigel said, attempting to hold his voice steady, refusing to torment Adam any more with his inability to let go, because he had promised he'd do better. He'd shoulder the world to prove to his devotion. He'd consume Adam's fears in his own, so his beloved would never have to feel frightened of anything. “Of our infinite universe.”_

_Adam smiled against him, moving to give him a lingering kiss before rolling off of him and turned his attention back to the sky. “The universe is forever expanding. All parts of it moving away from each other faster than the speed of light…”_

* * *

Falling to his knees, Nigel’s braces himself on the headstone. “Tell me again, darling,” he begs, choking back a sob as he traces the constellations etched into the stone. “Of our infinite universe.”

The silence surrounding him is deafening, the voice he longs to hear, stolen from him; lost amongst the stars. He desperately clings to the memories of the past; the sound of Adam’s breathing, the smell of his hair, the taste of his skin. He tries to hold onto it for as long as he can, willing it into existence; but it’s like starting a fight he could never win, and before long it dissipates against his will. The light goes, his heart goes still, and just like that, he believes in ghosts.

Time and space fade away from him as heavy tears trail down his face to splatter against the dark granite before him.

“You can't keep doing this to yourself, brother.”

“Go away, Darko,” Nigel says, righting himself.

“No.”

“The fuck you mean, no?” Nigel snaps, turning to snarl at him.

Lighting a cigarette, Darko takes a long drag before handing it over to Nigel. Exhaling a long stream of smoke, he turns his eyes up toward the stars. “He would hate to see you like this. Hell, I hate seeing you like this.”

Nigel burns through the cigarette, trying to escape into the smell of smoke. Darko is still there when he’s done, and he follows the man’s gaze back up toward Polaris. Fucking Darko and his fucking words, because he can hear the truth in them. Adam _would_ hate seeing him like this, tortured and alone, but that’s only because Adam isn't fucking here anymore. Adam will never be here again. “The fuck am I supposed to do, Darko?”

“I never thought about I'd ever say this,” Darko says, turning his attention back to Nigel, “but, I think it's time we went home.”

Nigel growls at him, fists clenching as he narrows his eyes. “This is my home, motherfucker.”

“Not anymore it's not,” Darko snaps back, wishing there was more he could do for his friend.

“The fuck you know.”

“Nigel, brother,” Darko says, deflating, “there's nothing left for you here. It's time to pick up the pieces and move on.”

“ _Adam's_ here, motherfucker, or did you forget?” Nigel screams, slamming a fist into the granite, ignoring the pain which shoots through his arm.

Darko lets out a long, suffering, sigh, eyes trailing from Nigel's bloody knuckles back up to the sky. “Adam would argue that what's here is a slab of granite, six feet of dirt, an excessively gilded coffin and a pile of bones. Perhaps there's still some flesh left, but the worms and such will take care of that in time.”

“Don't you fucking dare.” Nigel glares at the stone before him, watching his blood slip across the smooth stone and seep into the grooves of Adam's name. “Adam’s still here.”

“Adam’s right here,” Darko says pressing a finger against Nigel’s chest. “And there,” he says sweeping an arm across the sky. “He’ll always be with you, brother.”

Nigel doesn’t fight the sob which tears its way though his body. He doesn’t fight it when Darko pulls him into a hug. Perhaps Darko is right. Perhaps it is time to finally keep his promise and let go. Accept the fact that Adam is sleeping at last.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone who is not Nephila and can name all the Sleeping at Last songs quoted in the fic can get something short and fluffy from me... haha


End file.
